The War of the Worlds

When I was a little girl, my parents taught me that we were to "live in the world, but not be of the world." Because we were different, we were chosen, we were set apart. And I'm not saying they were wrong. I see the conviction and the passion my father has when discussing his church's teachings. I feel my mother's love for her God and see that she feels it returned, and I know she is edified by her faith. My journey has been very different because I have always felt most alienated around those I loved most, but at home in every part of the world, maybe because I'm highly adaptable and fascinated by literally EVERYTHING.

My extreme ideological differences from the little girl I was raised to be are apparent. It rarely comes up though, as I no longer fight to reconcile the two, I rather just embrace who I am now. In the past month however, several issues have surfaced that have made me painfully aware that sometimes, people are more defined by their belief system than by who they are. From the fight over contraception, to the overturning of prop  8, to the attack of planned parenthood by those defending the Susan G. Komen Foundation's decision to defund it, I am blinking in wonder and wondering what happened to make so many people run so fast and so furious away from rational thought.

Believe it or not, I do understand the catholic position on birth control. Better than most catholics, I'd be willing to bet. While I wholeheartedly disagree, I can actually explain why the sacred act of sex  must be accompanied by an openness to conception. It involves a whole mindset of 'this is what God wants, because he has revealed it to his church.' This might make sense to some people, but to me, sex is much, much more than loving babymaking. It's a trusting vulnerability and an ancient primal music. It is healthy, and it is good. That's what I have found to be true. And I have found most good catholics to be terrified of that deep, soulful connection. Because it resonates with holiness. Because it is spiritual at it's deepest level. Because it is true.

I don't think it's time for the catholic church to evaluate it's stand on birth control. I don't think any marketing campaign can save the church and it's best bet is to appeal to the stoics, like my family. There is at least a certain respect to be gained from sticking to one's position, come what may (just ask Ron Paul). However, in order for the purity of the catholic church's ideals to have any impact, they must be a respectable employer as well. Why an organization with a PR problem would fight paying for a preventative healthcare that 99% of adult women use (at some point) is completely beyond me. This is not the time for the church to all of a sudden NOT be hypocritical. It is an interesting battle to choose, and, since I have no insurance (so it won't affect me either way), I have the luxury of watching with interest, and more than a little fear for the healthcare of the women I love.

occupy my mind.

It takes a lot for a nation to become restless enough to do something about it. Like a frog in a pot of water slowly being brought to a boil, most people (myself included) have been super content to be slowly screwed, just so long as the tv's working. Seriously, though I love and am fascinated by the idea of a revolution, I'd really prefer to just live my life. I'm not like, someone who needs a hobby. I don't really have time to protest corrupt corporate and governmental practices, and it's not like we can change it anyway, right?

It would seem that the last straw has been gently placed on America's back. Many people literally have nothing left to lose. Many are trying to just live, paycheck to paycheck, deciding which bill to pay on time(ish) and which to default on. Many's hearts are breaking from the things they cannot give their lovers, their children. The way they cannot take care of their parents. And no matter how many minimum wage jobs they work, no matter how many hours they put in, the most they can expect is to  s...c...r...a...p...e  by.  What's funny about this situation is, had the powers that be been ever so slightly less greedy, had they acknowledged the importance of a sleek, entertained, half-asleep middle class to their financial goals, people wouldn't be camping in the streets. As it is, things have gotten so unbalanced that the only thing that can happen is best expressed by the game Jenga. The universe will have balance, anything that lacks that principle will fall.

What I don't understand is why the wealthy aren't rushing, very, very publicly, to volunteer their support and a portion of their wealth. Warren Buffet had the right idea. He totally admitted to being, ahem, shady, but said he thought it was time to think of the good of society. And we all think of him as sort of modern day Robin Hood, if Robin Hood had a net worth of $50,000,000,000.00.  Imagine if you had a product, and you helped people not only get a little extra cash, but also gave them the security to feel that they could comfortably spend it, and made sure that they knew a) how much you had helped them, and b) where they could pick up your latest perfume, or dvd, or book. Imagine how much money could eventually made from being friendly with the 99%? Brand loyalty is important, and people don't forget the ones who impress them and give them hope.

In the matter of a few short weeks, #occupywallst has become something legitimate, something that doesn't seem to be going away. People don't go home if they don't have anything to go back to. It has pursed it's lips and blown into the embers of our imagination. It is getting people to read about the history and policies of our country, our federal reserve, and our elected officials. Most importantly, it has reawakened the kind of hope that Obama made a dirty word.

When I first got the facebook invite for the original #occupywallst, I didn't think much of it. I didn't bother to say whether I was attending or not attending. It sounded like a half-assed idea, and I tend to be cynical about people fighting the machine. I doubted anyone would show up. I doubted anyone would really camp. I assumed if anyone got arrested, everyone would leave. I doubted anyone else really thought that NO ONE in politics is in it to better the lives of average people. I still haven't gone to Occupy LA. I've been working, I'm lucky enough to have a job. Tomorrow I will go and see for myself. And I may find things to give me more hope. Or I may rethink said hope and look elsewhere for ideas. Regardless, I will go, and I will ask questions, and I will talk to many people about what they hope to accomplish. And mostly, I will express my gratitude to them for validating thoughts I've had for years, and for trying to remind our country how important it is to stay thinking.

art is important. there, I said it.

I imagine it was at the dawn of the industrial age that we started losing appreciation for things like art, beauty, literature and rational thought. History is full of civilizations struggling to come to some sort of harmonious existence between the right brain and left. When money becomes the motivator of each move an individual makes, it quickly also becomes the central focus of the society. And money, for all the wonderful things it can do, cannot buy culture. You can't buy the feeling you get looking at a gorgeous vista or a beautiful face. If you allow that beauty to permeate your soul, I would argue it adds a certain quality to life that is incredibly important to society.

I am an artist. Much of my adult life has been spent justifying doing what I love. people think I'm childish or irresponsible because I don't want to simply feed the system. dammit, I WILL beautify the world around me, or I will perish trying. What's frustrating is, while everyone enjoys going to the movies and eating in well designed restaurants, no one stops to think that hundreds of people who have risked everything that society esteems were necessary to create that night of pleasure. No one will acknowledge how truly necessary these things are to civilized society, because they contribute a different sort of wealth. As an actor, I allow people to have vicarious experiences that trigger catharsis. I help people feel. I help people think. I allow people to see things differently. The work I do is important. One of my voice professors once said that actors are healers. I have seen that to be true. Whether it's an amazing, inspirational performance, or a stand up comedian who makes you laugh at the end of a stressful day, these people add goodness to life!

In an age where the economy cannot be described as anything but looming, I choose to have different priorities. In the face of those who say I need to run after the carrot of financial security that is dangled in front of my nose, I choose, no, I beg to differ. I have realized, fully, that I get one shot at this life. I will not spend it in pursuit of pieces of paper (no longer backed with gold) printed with the faces of men who would weep for our nation's callousness, our ridiculous priorities, our lack of concern with education and a happy middle class. instead, I will try to be a light that reminds people of the magic that resides in each of us. I will inspire people to exercise their right to think for themselves, I will encourage others to examine their priorities, and I will do everything I can to bring beauty to the world.

integrity lost

i've spent a lot of time lately thinking about what's wrong with society. not in a judgey, 'those darn kids these days' sort of way, but connecting dots to see how we got to where we are. when i look around, i see society as a whole not caring about respect. self respect, respect for others, respect for our planet. especially respect for our differences. how boring would it be to live in a world where everyone thought the same way? we would choke on our blandness, like a lump of wonderbread stuck in our collective throat. instead, we're different, and our differences are beautiful. but we seem to have forgotten that. we trash talk and belittle each other, we ridicule the political leaders that we elected. we have forgotten that we have more in common than not.

there is such disparity in american society today. social stratification is back in a big way, riding a corvette with a platinum convertible top, and why shouldn't it be? that's the american dream, right? for the wealthy to not only safeguard their wealth but grow it? and honestly, i do think people should have the right to invest. if you have been blessed with material wealth, you should be able to do whatever you want with it. in that sense, i (gasp) agree with many conservatives. it makes sense to me that you shouldn't be penalized because you've done alright for yourself.

however, you shouldn't be rewarded either. you have already been rewarded, and your bank account reflects that. you shouldn't be exempt from the rules those not in your tax bracket have to live by because they don't know any better. you shouldn't receive special discounts. you shouldn't have to pay less because you make more. and anyone who buys what the wealthy tell us is easily bought.

look around. the people in charge are the ones trying to safeguard their wealth, and we are foolish to validate them. instead of defending billionaires, corporations and wall street, we need to start respecting them. we need to start seeing them for what they are, as greedy, selfish, money making machines who are very good at what they do. let's not pretend they're helping us. that's not their function, and we need to start showing ourselves and the rest of the world that we're smarter than that.

we need to respect each other. we need to respect that some people's lives are enhanced by religion, by their personal relationship with god, and that doesn't make them weak. we need to respect that some people are attracted to people of their own gender, and it's not a big deal. we need to respect the fact that the age of heroes has changed, and the only one riding to town in a suit of armor is ourselves. if we want things to change, then we need to start. it's mental, seriously. if you want to live in a world of equality and respect, then stop disrespecting those around you. instead of demanding from the world that which you DO deserve (because you do), try putting out into the universe the energy you'd like to come back. basically, if you think you deserve to be richly happy and satisfied and at peace, then approach the world from a place of generous happiness, satisfaction and peace. change is absolutely possible, but our problem is we've been looking in the wrong place.

f-o-c-u-s

"At last the ladder, which had been built slowly, slowly, one hope at a time, reached up to the clouds. And the dreamer began to climb." - Katherine Berry


i found a blank greeting card with this quote years ago, and it touched something inside of me. at that point my big dreams were seedlings and i couldn't even call myself a dreamer with a straight face. but the quote still inspired me and i've had it displayed somewhere in every house and apartment i've had since.


over the last few years i've become keenly aware of how much control we have over our lives. we may feel like circumstances are out of our control, but our approach to life never is. platitudes abound that say things about this "if you can dream it, you can achieve it" "mind over matter" "change your mind and circumstances will follow." but how often do we actually put faith in this? how often do we decide to be happy? how often do we decide to change?


of course, mind play isn't enough. all the meditation in the world won't actually do the things we need to do if we want change. but focus and meditation make it incredibly easy. if we accept in our heads and hearts that the life we desire is already ours, the steps we need to take start to manifest themselves.


very specifically, i've been in a minor slump as of late. i came to LA and things were going very well and i was floating on a current that started to slow down. i decided to start swimming. people say to put things in writing, and so i made a list of long and short term goals. then started crossing things off. i've also been exploring acupuncture to help with my focus and anxiety issues, and it's been amazing. alyssa dazet is both healer and life-coach, and i can hardly explain how good i've been feeling!


the main point of this posting is to encourage you. to say 'hey, if you want something, think about it, stay open, and it'll happen.' it will. i'm seeing it happen a little more each day. excelsior friends!

peaceful is in the eye of the beholder.

i'll never cease to be amazed by how many different types of people there are. spending memorial day weekend in the south, the real true dirty hospitable south, reminded me that what is homey and charming to one may be a panic attack to another.

i'll never know what it is that makes me a city girl. i find electricity, eccentricity, and millions of people crammed into each other's living space to be comforting, i go to the country and, though i'm able to enjoy moments of wildlife and stars and down home-iness, it mostly feels like a foreign, dangerous place that could leave me stranded at any time.

ironically, it was LA i was stranded in when i flew home and my car wouldn't start. yet, i had options. aaa, airport shuttles, buses and taxis and people. i was still back in my living room within a couple hours ordering gyros to be delivered at midnight. things like that make me smile.

but i do understand the comfort that the simple love of a community can provide. i had around 30 people come to share a drink and a moment of life thursday night in memphis, and i realized how much i've been missing that love and friendship that can only be built in little layers over time. in LA, other than my jonny, i am somewhat alone, the friendships that are blossoming here are still in the infantile stages. but blossom they will. i pride myself on surrounding myself with people who are genuine. that's really my only requirement for friendship, because i can appreciate and understand anyone who bothers to honestly share.

two of my best friends married each other this weekend. i felt so honored to be there, a part of this special corner of their lives. their big melty cheesy romantic grins were infectious, their love big enough to fill the delta. for them, i wish for their love to stay strong, for them to comfort and cherish each other and never lose sight of the treasure they've found. for myself, i wish those layers of friendly insulation to keep on piling, keeping my heart nestled in love in the middle of my big, bright, boisterous, soothing city.

of course i have something to say.

i spent the day at magic mountain. i rode coasters that were designed to take the world we perceive, our physical experience of being, and put it in a blender. i adore scary rides, i love the adrenaline that starts to flow when we hear other people scream and see how we're about to have our world flipped around. while we were driving home, news was spreading that osama bin laden had been killed. and my mind caught up to my physical disorientation. something seems not quite right about this. it seems staged. five days ago several news sites reported that al-qaeda threatened a 'nuclear hellstorm' if osama were ever killed or caught. i don't recall hearing anything about this five days ago, but of course, that doesn't mean it didn't happen. this just seems like a very convenient ruse if one had a nuclear weapon one was dying to try out. al-qaeda, for all their (it's?) hatred and flaws, does make a darn good scapegoat. i'm not saying... i'm just saying.

and ok, this is conspiracy theorish to say the least, but i do think that, considering some of the biggest news lately has been the astronomical, ridiculous price of gas, big oil needed us to get distracted and americans all needed a breath of unity. something to celebrate. what if it WAS a ridiculous stunt to make us forget the 'investigation' into the oil companies' business practices and bin laden is still alive? again, this is pure speculation folks. these are simply just things that crossed my mind.

i also think it's very possible that bin laden died naturally, or was killed by another group. in this scenario, it would make sense for an obama under fire to deliver america the ultimate peace offering. i DO understand that if even the barest facts of his 'we got him' speech were true, things had to be kept very hush hush. but in this age of technological connection, i find it hard to believe it took so long to make a smarmy statement about empty spaces at the dinner table, with so little attention paid to telling us what the hell happened, and so much attention paid to making sure we knew that the US and particularly obama were the ones to thank. even if it was a perfectly legit operation, the victory speech was so bereft of relevant facts that i found it borderline offensive.

so for years we've been saying this is the ultimate goal, right? to kill osama so we can all sleep easier. i for one am not sleeping easier. if anything i've realized how hard it is to believe anyone in a world where money is the ultimate motivator and if you have the cash, you can change the truth. 1984 is frighteningly realistic to me today, and i wonder which stories (and reporters) are being killed right now to advance this story. maybe none. maybe i'm just a paranoid person who read too much as a kid and was taught too early to think for myself. maybe i've had my trust broken too many times to truly believe anything anyone says, ever. maybe US forces did covertly hunt bin laden for a week, and then successfully take him down, and now the world is safe and gas prices will go down but we won't need it to because we'll each have our very own flying unicorn (government issued of course). but who can say for sure?